


Elf on the Shelf

by drowsyfantasy



Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: Christmas, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Illidan hates his job but what else is new
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 19:03:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13130067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drowsyfantasy/pseuds/drowsyfantasy
Summary: Inspired by the tumblr post by warcraftloredepartment. "ELF ON THE SHELF WHERE EVERYTHING IS THE SAME EXCEPT THE ELF IS A 9-FOOT TALL ILLIDAN STORMRAGE".





	Elf on the Shelf

The twins were at it again.

Sally and Suzie had been stealing the same Barbie doll back and forth all day, and despite their mother’s warning that ‘the elf on the shelf would tell Santa what they had been doing’, Illidan Stormrage felt as though no amount of glaring in their general direction could stop them. They were six years old and their entire world revolved around _them_ , and it wasn’t as though they were afraid of the giant purple demon hunter brooding on their mantlepiece.

He rested his chin in his hand, careful not to hook his claws into the side of his blindfold again, and watched them as they built a LEGO tower on the living room floor. Their father was washing dishes in the kitchen and their mother was out at work. Despite what his new job entailed, he was _not_ supposed to be a replacement for a babysitter. Then again, apparently this new world he and the others had been portaled into _had_ no demons, _had_ no Burning Legion, and had _no way to get back_. He had been stuck here with a handful of people from his world - Khadgar, Maiev, a few other demon hunters and some of Azeroth’s former champions - for several months now, and their money didn’t mean a thing here. They had to make ends meet _somehow_. On this new world they’d been cut off from whatever magics they normally drew upon, making Khadgar and their priests essentially middle-aged men in dresses. Well, all except for Velen, who was tens of thousands of years old.

Whatever; the humans here didn’t seem to care. Once they got over the novelty of the weird-looking band of people who’d showed up from a giant portal one day, things hadn’t been _too_ bad. But it was Winter Veil - sorry, they called it _Christmas_ here - and while Khadgar had been delighted to play the part of this Earth version called “Santa Claus”, Illidan found himself rented out by various families to pay the bills. He was titled as “the EXTREME Elf on the Shelf”, and the Hollyhock family had him for most of the week.

Finally, he could stand it no longer.

“Stop that. That’s not how you build a tower,” he hopped down off the mantlepiece, causing the entire room to shake as his hooves hit the floor. Sally and Suzie looked up at him, their blond curly pigtails swinging as he sat down awkwardly beside their bin of LEGO blocks. “Here, you have to...to make it like this…” he tried putting the little pieces on the brick-board, holding them very carefully between his clawed fingertips. At least it made it easier for him to separate the damnable little pieces. “And look there, if you’ve got a part that the other one needs, you have to _share_ them.”

“Don’t _wanna_ share. _She_ stole my Barbie!”

“The doll belongs to _both_ of you.” Illidan sighed as the two bratty sisters glared daggers at each other. “You two remind me of my brother and I when we were small…”

“You have a twin brother?” Suzie blinked blue eyes up at him.

“Yes, and he was just as annoying to me as the two of you are to each other.”

“Wow, what happened to him?” Sally gasped.

“He married the woman I loved, became the ruler of the kingdom, and the leader of all the druids.” Illidan managed not to snap the little brick in half as he placed it angrily on the tower. “When I tried to win back her affections, he had me put in prison for ten thousand years. I was let out only to be k-” he looked down at the starry-eyed twins and sighed, remembering he was _not_ supposed to talk about violence and death in front of children. “Only to be stuck again in another dimension for _eight_ years before being brought back once more before being thrown into _this_ dimension. At least, though, I’m not alone here.” he continued to help the twins build their tower. “I have a few... _friends_ with me.” He was holding a piece between his teeth as he struggled to remove two flat pieces, getting a claw underneath.

“You mean Santa Claus and that pretty pink elf he talks to?” Suzie squealed. “Is she your _girlfriend_?”

Illidan nearly inhaled the LEGO brick at the thought of _Maiev_ being his _girlfriend_. “ _Definitely_ not. No, she is not my girlfriend, and I do not count her as one of my friends. She is a warden, the one who watched over me while I was imprisoned.”

“She took care of you! How romantic!”

“ _Stop_ that. We are _not_ romantic.” Illidan groused. “But enough about me. If you two don’t start sharing your toys like your mother and father have _very_ politely asked, I’ll be forced to report you to, uh, Santa, and then you won’t get any new presents this year.”

Both of the girls immediately started to protest, tears in their eyes, but the demon hunter shook his head. “Those are your choices. Are you prepared to wake up on Christmas morning and find _no_ presents under the tree?” he gestured to the gaudily-decorated pine in the corner. “I think... _you are_ _not prepared_.”

This had the desired effect, and both girls immediately promised that they would share their toys forever, they’d be good sisters, and they wouldn’t steal each others’ boyfriends and throw their sibling in prison. Illidan praised them with all the holiday joy he could muster, and held up the iPad with his long arms so that the three of them could take a selfie with their LEGO tower.


End file.
